Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
It is going to burn me alive
My skin has burnt
My soul is parched
My bones catch this fire
You touched me everywhere
now where should i run away?
the place where you wont barge in.
How am i going to survive?
Shall i do something with this knife?
and just close my eyes.
You completed me in perfect way
and left me in the middle of this way.
Like you always said
"you will have more prints of me
on your soul"
but now these prints
make me moan!
I feel your touch in the middle of night
i feel someone holding me tight.
I want to hate you tonight
so that i can stay out of your sight
P.S:I was impressed by this "When one tears away the veils and shows them naked, people's souls give off such a pungent smell of decay"
Friday, March 27, 2009
our love again changed.
Like it kept changing its ways.
But through every hurdle
we were together,the same.
We walk beside each other
just like the river banks.
Who stay side by side till the end
but never meet in any bend.
There is going to be love unsaid
and broken hearts
which we could not mend.
We called each other our fate
but now this is what we became!
Still we can hear
still we can feel
still we rule on each other.
But still we hold our love in between
just like this clean water
Because we walk together like a river.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Standing in front of the calender,i smiled.Yes,March is here again.Month that makes me crazy.
A refined day it was,dark clouds on the sky and wind changing its directions.A little rainy day it was in fact.
A girl saw this weather from her classroom's window and sighed in a low voice,making sure her sir does not hear her properly.She was not attentive in her class ,she had no interest what her sir was saying in the lecture.All she was thinking of the beautiful weather outside and planning for the snacks she is going to have after this period with her friends.While thinking this,she passed a "Parchi" to her friend,stating "Let this sir go,we will go out to canteen before the next teacher comes and i wan chocolate ice cream,Pass it to the rest of the gang" and winked at her.
Before she could open her eye again,she heard"Now the summary will be told by her" ,she looked around to see who is in the sir's trap right now?.All the gang was looking at her with blank faces."My idea was not that bad",she said to herself.She looked at her sir and lost her breath.It was HER!!!Her sir was about to burst on her but the gate keeper rang the bell."Yaaay,Period over".She ran outside the class before sir could pull her ears.Her gang joined her too outside the canteen."Crap,where is canteen boy now?Its locked".They looked at each other with great disappointment."Its Urdu language period now and you are free,Why don't you grab things when canteen boy comes and come to class room after this period,we have recess,we can have latest hot gossips with cold ice cream".Before she could agree,her friends left.Now its again her job,she thought.
She settled in the nearby bench and looked at the sky."Crap,What is he doing here,why he wants me to study this boring physics ppr.I hope he does not see me free now"she mumbled while looking at her sir."Young lady,what are you doing here?Enjoying weather?...."Without waiting for her answer,he continued."You were not listening to the lecture today,So i thought i should give you questions so that you get the concept how to solve the questions on Current.Here you are,Return them tomorrow.This is the only single copy i got." and he left.
"Sigh,I wonder from where he gets these brilliant ideas?HUH.Cant he see i am enjoying my free period.Now I gotta do this right now.Otherwise,he is surely going to take me to the princi office"
She looked at the question paper and started reading the question."mmmm,i hate current.What is the point of asking me the current in this wire has and i hate this Flemming's left...mm right..whatever hand rule,am skipping this question 1 because......."She looked above from the ppr.And her eyes stopped there.
There he was coming out from his class.She smiled at him."His presence made her skip beat of her heart,Standing ten feet away he makes her feel different.When he is around,world does seem different,no noise,no problem.Its just like a lake,in the middle of it,ripples like a stone thrown from far away made by his presence." She blushed at his gaze and looked down at her paper just to avoid his gaze.It hit her mind that she has dared him to say it again on weekend.She laughed inside and said"He cant say that in school premises,He is already having tough time with the old princi these days".She looked above and he went inside the corridor."He is going to loose the bet this time",she jumped in her heart.
Before she could concentrate on the next question.He was there again."There is no use of roaming around me ,I am going to win the bet this time".He crossed her and went to the canteen and knocked at the window.And window opened!Her mouth fell open."How come?Canteen was open?"Before she could give herself a hard punch ,he turned his neck around and looked at her.She pretended as if she was not looking at him.
Again looked at the damn question ppr she still had to solve.She continued with it but not able to concentrate.Every time he was around,she just couldn't concentrate on any other thing.Same thing was happening again.She still kept her gaze low.
He came to her and smiled at her."How are you?" he asked her."Good",she blushed.He bent over her to put the her fav cookies "Chocolate Chip cookies" beside her(That was a so called reason).Her cheeks and ears turned red and warm.She felt heat flowing out of her ears and cheeks.And he whispered slowly in her ears "I.... love.... you".She jumped on these words though she has heard it several time but every time he said it in a different but beautiful way.But this time,it was toooo close. She looked at him.His face was just few inches away ,Their eyes met for two seconds.They lived the meaning of those three words in the time.He felt her shyness and stepped back while winking at her.All she could do was give him a smile,he loved.
Again the bell rang and it was recess time.She ran away to her class without ice cream.Her friends gathered around her and said"Ice cream must have melted by now,you know na how much the Urdu teacher speaks.,but we will eat the melted ones".She mumbled "No,i melted outside....."
P.S: Next day,when her physics sir asked her abt the question paper.She couldn't remember where she left that paper."I told you,i had only one copy.How can you forget where did you put that ppr?" She uttered "There was something else worth remembering"and she lowered her gaze with a proud heart.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Oh, my love
Lets celebrate today.
In the busy world race,
take an off today.
Spend this time with me
so again we live
the love we feel.
Sit with me in the darkness
and show me
light you have blazed
Deep inside me
and around me.
Let me burn myself in flames.
The world seems to be different
I now know what love meant
You taught me to live again
True is what you said
"Heart is pure,
fate lies in your foot,for sure"
Hold my hand
and take me anywhere
I desire to close my eyes
and walk on the path you choose
because its Valentine's day!
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Year has just started, Today is 2nd January. Winter seems to be on its peak these days. Chilly winds blowing at night gives your spine a winter touch. Life in a desert seems to be very very different when you have lived in one of the busiest cities of country before.
Seeing the world outside Pakistan has been my one of the greatest dreams. Who would not love to visit this Saudi Arabia? Being a Muslim, we have a special attraction to this land. Seeing the Ka'aba is the best part of this country. The feeling one gets on the first glimpse of the Holy place is unexplainable.
Desert is a wonderful place to see, for miles and miles all you can see is sand and somewhere between camels. The night part is the best. It seems as if God has spread the black stars blanket all over the place. No buildings are here to disturb your vision. Stand on the sand with closed eyes, it seems cold breeze is taking everything from you.
This explanation seems to be from a very "normal" person. The feelings are mine, words are mine but all this is not the way I felt while experiencing. This "was" the way I wanted to feel whenever I thought of visiting this land. "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world which I find myself constantly walking around in the day time and falling in at night"
If there is hell on earth, it exists for a person who has lost his relations. There is an unspeakable grief that never entirely goes away. There is belief that as time goes on the pain diminishes. My pain grew stronger. My life had come to standstill. Nothing matter to me anymore. I do not blame anyone for the pain because somewhere I was the part of reason. My blood relations turned bitter and the cost of bitterness turned into my emptiness.
I have been a very lively girl with little moody feeling inside. I never made friends easily, during my early years of school I was never able to "label" someone as my "Best Friend" and I never felt a need of best friend. My friends have been there always through up and down. I was all same to everyone in class and around. I had been the prankster of class. It was always very easy for me to crack a simple joke in the middle of a hot discussion. Then laughing out loudly not seeing that people might be noticing me. Gossips about me never bothered me at all. Smiling was my habit. No matter how bad I was feeling inside but smile was on my face always. In the academic way.i was a normal student. I only studied when I wanted to. And Thanks to my teachers who did not bother me much on my academics because they knew that I will handle my books. I had no major hobbies, no book reading, no painting, and no typical hobbies. I wanted to be free in my free time and i "lived" my free time. Friends came, friends left but I never stopped. I always had the positive approach towards my life and relations in fact everything. I moved on with my own buddies and fellows. Questioning anyone was not my habit. I believed "if someone has to say anything to me, come to me. I am such an easy person to talk with”. Thanks to my friends who understood me and we never had that question quiz between us. I still remember that some of my friends who were little "girlish" at heart came to me for cheering themselves up. I would just divert their attention from their thoughts and after couple of minutes they were back on track.
Days turned into months and then years. I remained the same. People sometimes labeled me as “immature, silly, jhaalli, pagli" but I lived without labels. Whenever someone named me, I would just laugh and say “They do not know how to live the real life”. I was living the way I wanted.Ups and down came but never ever I was frozen. Autumn and winter gave me warmth and reasons to smile.Summer and spring made me see the nature. Years brought me "Life”. Whenever I heard “winter makes people sad”, it made me confuse. I used to think" why don't they enjoy the first rain of winter? It makes your soul wet! Eating ice cream in winter is the real beauty when you learn to warm your hands from the cold bowl of ice cream. Slow driving on roads gives you time to see around,Running in the fog gives you the feeling of walking on straight path without fear....."
Then life started to test me like others, it was harsher than I could handle. People did not give me wounds; it was my past and my very own life. The past that came haunting me after 10 years. Things which I have forgotten in this period stood in front of me like a horror movie being played again and again. I still have no questions to ask, friends who knew me more than myself and did not ask a single question. They did not say even a single word when I needed someone to talk and listen to me about things. When I suffocated in never-ending blames of acts I did not do,I sent my friends away for their safety and repute from me ....my act was not noticed. And more labels were glued....Now I am on a trip to the same country. I never thought I would see Ka'aba in this situation.Being lonely was on greatest fear of my life and now am actually living my fear. I never thought my so-called ideas would stand in front of me like huge mountains haunting me to death. The fears that drowned me to the Dead Sea. My life changed who ruined me from inside. The huge malls do not fascinate me; I have no interest in people around me. People do not make difference here now. Now I only know “Zahra would never watch a sunset or walk through beautiful garden. She would never see a flight of birds or feel a warm summer breeze. She would never taste an ice cream cone or enjoy a movie or play. She would never know the joy of falling in love,and having a family. Never, never, never”. This time the page turned, it marked my end. Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom but we hope it, we know it.....